Ten months have passed since Seonkyoung Longest arrived in Paris, culminating in the recent graduation from the prestigious Le Cordon Bleu Paris after a rigorous nine-month culinary program. While the milestone marks the achievement of a long-held dream, Longest describes her graduation day not with elation, but with a profound sense of introspection and an unexpected feeling of emptiness. This sentiment stems from a deeper contemplation of identity, belonging, and the often-unseen complexities of human connection, themes that have permeated her journey through the culinary institution and her broader experiences as a global citizen.
The graduation ceremony, typically a moment of triumph and celebration, evoked a different response in Longest. As she observed her fellow graduates, radiating excitement and a clear sense of purpose, she found herself wrestling with a sense of detachment. "What I felt wasn’t joy or even a sense of achievement, but something strangely empty," she shared in a reflective post detailing her experience. This feeling is amplified as classmates begin their onward journeys, either returning to their home countries or embarking on new professional ventures.
A Global Perspective on Belonging
Longest’s reflections highlight a common challenge faced by individuals who have lived across multiple cultures and nations: the question of "home." She contrasts her own experience with that of a fellow American graduate, whom she observed as appearing "bright, grounded—like someone who knew where she belonged." This observation prompts Longest to question her own sense of belonging, asking, "Where do I go back to? Where is my home?"
Her background, rooted in Korea where she was born and raised, and followed by over thirteen years in the United States, where she admits to never fully feeling at home, adds layers to this existential inquiry. The question extends to her current residence in Paris and even to her relationship, pondering if "wherever we are together becomes home." This exploration underscores a pervasive feeling of being "in between, suspended," a sentiment that predates her travels and has been a consistent undercurrent in her life.
Navigating the Nuances of Human Connection
Beyond the question of geographical belonging, Longest delves into the complexities of human relationships, a theme that seems to have been a significant part of her Le Cordon Bleu experience. She describes relationships as fluid and sometimes uncertain, where perceived realities can blur over time. This has led her to question the authenticity of interactions, particularly the sincerity behind smiles. "There were many people who smiled in front of me, but I couldn’t help but wonder—were all those smiles genuine?" she mused.
Longest identifies herself as a "translucent person," meaning her emotions are openly displayed. While she views this as a form of authenticity, she admits to often assuming others operate with similar transparency. The realization that people can mask their true feelings, presenting a different facade than what is outwardly perceived, has led to moments of delayed understanding and a lingering uncertainty about the genuine nature of past interactions. This observation suggests that the intense environment of culinary school, with its high pressures and diverse personalities, may have provided fertile ground for these realizations.
The "Kumquat" Group: A Beacon of Support
Amidst these introspective challenges, Longest found solace and support in a small group of fellow students who affectionately called themselves the "kumquat" group. This close-knit circle, formed both inside and outside the demanding curriculum of Le Cordon Bleu, provided a crucial sense of camaraderie. Composed of individuals from various international backgrounds, they shared the common experience of navigating a foreign environment, often carrying their own unique forms of loneliness. The unspoken understanding and mutual support within this group offered a vital anchor during their time in Paris. "For that time, we were a kind of support we didn’t even realize we needed," Longest stated.
Le Cordon Bleu: More Than Culinary Training
The nine-month program at Le Cordon Bleu Paris was more than an acquisition of culinary techniques and recipes. For Longest, it served as a catalyst for profound self-discovery. She arrived in Paris with the initial intention of "starting over," but now recognizes that her journey was less about a fresh beginning and more about a necessary pause. She describes herself as having been "exhausted," carrying "unprocessed trauma, drifting without direction." Paris, and the demanding yet structured environment of Le Cordon Bleu, became the unexpected setting for a period of reflection and recalibration.
The experience at Le Cordon Bleu, renowned globally for its rigorous culinary education, provided a structured environment that allowed Longest to confront her internal landscape. The discipline required in a professional kitchen, coupled with the international cohort, created a unique crucible for personal growth. The program’s emphasis on precision, discipline, and the mastery of classic techniques mirrored, in a way, the personal discipline required to navigate her own complex feelings of identity and belonging.
The Unfolding Path Ahead
As Longest concludes her time at Le Cordon Bleu, she finds herself once again at a crossroads, facing the familiar question: "Where do I go from here?" This uncertainty is compounded by the fact that she has always forged her own path, often operating under the belief that she possessed a clear understanding of her direction. The experience of being a student again, even in a highly specialized field, proved to be a significant personal challenge.
Currently, Longest is continuing her culinary education in Paris, pursuing pastry studies at the esteemed Ritz Escoffier until the summer. The future beyond this immediate step remains an open question. "I don’t have a plan after that," she admitted. Despite the lingering uncertainty and doubt, a resolute desire to continue her journey persists, bolstered by the presence of her partner, Jacob, and an intrinsic drive that prevents her from stopping.
A Message of Encouragement
In a poignant personal reflection appended to her account, Longest receives a message of encouragement that encapsulates the essence of her journey and the support she has garnered. The message congratulates her on graduating from Le Cordon Bleu Paris, acknowledging the achievement of a dream held for thirteen years. It highlights her self-reliance in reaching this milestone, a stark contrast to past needs for external assistance. The writer acknowledges the moments of doubt and the desire to "give up and disappear," but emphasizes her perseverance. "But you didn’t give up. You made it all the way here. And for that, thank you. I’m so proud of you. Keep going—for the rest of your time in Paris, and wherever you find yourself next. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You never really knew anyway. Somehow, things will connect in the end—even if you can’t see it yet." This sentiment underscores the belief that clarity often emerges in retrospect, and that the journey itself holds significant value, even in its moments of ambiguity.
The article concludes with a note of gratitude to readers and an invitation to follow her ongoing narrative, suggesting that while the destination may be unknown, the journey is far from over. The reflections from her peers in the comments section, offering congratulations and sharing their own experiences of navigating life’s in-between spaces, further illuminate the universal nature of her journey. Terms like "liminality," used by a commenter, resonate deeply with Longest’s expressed feelings of being in a transitional state, a common experience for those who have embraced a life of global exploration and personal growth. Her continued pursuit of culinary excellence at the Ritz Escoffier signifies a commitment to her passion, even as she navigates the profound questions of identity and belonging that her Parisian sojourn has brought to the forefront.
